Now I want someone badly - Jeff Buckley (big ol’ yearner)

If you were to scour the pages of my journals and discover the half-written poems hidden deep within my notes app, you’d quickly come to find that I, at my very core, want things badly.

There is not a single mysterious thing about me. I love deeply, and when I want something, I make it known. Nonchalant? Never heard of her.

However, there seems to have been a cultural shift. We saw the rise of yearners on social media last year, and it almost felt like the world was healing. No more secret messages, no more fleeting around, no more liking someone on the sly. We were committed to putting our entire hearts out there. Jeff Buckley was on everyone’s playlists. Pride and Prejudice (2005) edits were being reposted everywhere.

But then the mindset of being nonchalant took over again, and being a yearner was quickly thrown out the window. The people don’t yearn anymore.

Where are all the yearners?

I’m sure at this point, I sound like a broken record. You mean to tell me a self-proclaimed yearner is going to yap about yearning? Groundbreaking. But is it not at my core as a yearner to be so passionate about something? Is it not my duty to be so enamoured by something that it becomes the very thing I breathe?

A yearner will never be embarrassed by their longing.

Yes, I want. And I want deeply, badly, and passionately. I don’t want to be aloof, so I make sure I pour everything I have into the things I want. My heart is always on my sleeve, no matter how weathered it gets.

Life is incredibly short; why not make it known how you feel?

Think about kissing someone - My Co - Star widget this morning.

In all honesty, though, yearning is not all beautiful. Sometimes, the mere act of wanting can send you into a spiral. To be so passionate about something means to be so incredibly vulnerable with yourself. You continually open yourself up, and when you can’t reach for what you want, it eats you up inside. I’ve spent nights hunched over my desk writing poems and vignettes about people who have plagued my mind and caused me such longing that it almost feels like my heart was being crushed.

Unrequited loves, lingering interactions with strangers. We yearners, feel everything so intensely. It’s a curse, really. A delicate and vicious cycle.

It can get ugly; it can get uncomfortable. You learn, quickly, the immense spirit of the human experience. To yearn is to surrender to the very things you can’t have. It’s almost pathetic, isn’t it? Some might even see it as destructive. Obsessive even. But that’s what it’s always been.

To yearn is to grieve.

That’s all I have today, unfortunately. It is sometime after 11 pm, and my eyes are beginning to droop. So, I’m off to crawl into bed and have vivid dreams about longing.

Thank you for reading, and I do apologise for the lack of posts (and post lengths)! Between a writing slump and some unfavourable events in my personal life, my Substack has been moved to the back burner. You guys are at the heart of everything I do, and I can’t wait to keep building this community together! Until next time xx

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Poetry is one of the ancient arts, and it began as did all the fine arts, within the original wilderness of the earth - Mary Oliver

It is sometime after 8pm on a Sunday, and I am contemplating my life’s choices. Again. It’s a delicate and vicious cycle that waxes and wanes like the moon I whisper my devotions to.

When I get asked about what I want to do or who I want to be, the same set of words rolls around my mouth. A poet. When I call myself this, my heart flutters like I have unlocked its secret. Though I would be lying if the very mention of this didn’t leave a bitter taste. I’ve seen the way people tilt their head and give me a false smile, so I follow up with a quip about becoming a literary professor and watch their shoulders relax. A much more respectable profession, I’ve been told.

But they don’t know what I know. They don’t know that poetry can be found in their morning papers, or in their whispers about a coworker’s new shoes. They don’t know that they themselves are poets. We’re all children of language. We’re all children of poetry.

𓆸

I want to be a published poet one day. In what way, shape or form that will manifest, I do not know. But I believe, and that is a start.

I’d wager that by now you’ve come to an understanding that I love poetry. And I’m not sure what else there is to say. I suppose I could write endless paragraphs about how I love its ability to create connection, how it transcends time, and how it can beautifully convey the complexity of the human experience. Or perhaps I could write about my favourite poets and how they’ve shaped my entire world and shown me how beautiful language can be. I might’ve even told you my favourite forms.

Or maybe I would confess my deepest fears and anxieties about being a poet, and how there’s a part of me that believes I’ll never be one, or that I shouldn’t even call myself one.

In fact, let’s do that. Let’s dive into the confessions of a poet.

𓆸

The thing that plagues my brain the most about being a poet, or a writer in general, is that I am simply not talented enough. That I don’t possess the ability for my words to foster meaning. What if it is that simple? What if I just don’t have the talent? I’m told that we’re our own worst critics, but would I be told that I wasn’t meant for poetry? And what then?

I could spend thousands of dollars on a bachelor’s degree, take every writing course under the sun, and spend a lifetime hunched over the keys of my 2019 iMac without the guarantee that anything would come of it. I would remain talentless and the joke of every literary community.

You’ll find I have a nasty habit of getting caught up in my own head. An overthinker of sorts. I like to think of it as ‘cushioning the blow’. There is nothing someone could say that I haven’t already told myself a hundred times. And so, that brings me to my next confession, imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome is the persistent, irrational self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a ‘fraud’ despite evidence of success or competence. And oh boy, doesn’t that fit my bill.

I always feel like a fraud when I call myself a poet because I haven’t technically achieved anything that would deem me one. But we all know that’s silly, right (please, for my sake, just nod your head). I mean, the act of even writing poetry makes someone a poet!

Not to mention that I also deeply struggle with accepting people’s praises surrounding my work, because, you guessed it, I’m full of self-doubt! Don’t get me wrong, a huge smile crosses my face every time someone compliments what I do, but I can’t help but feel that nagging sensation that it’s not true. And I’m sure every creative person has felt like this! Have you?

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I’m going to shift the conversation now to that ugly, horrendous, grotesque, soul-sucking, earth-ruining, and life-depleting thing that has been plaguing us all.

AI.

As a creative and an academic, AI has become the bane of my existence. It stalks me across every platform and has cemented itself as a raging fear. The full-body shivers I feel when I see someone using AI to generate pieces of art are so violent that it leaves me feeling like I need to escape to the seaside to get better.

Generative AI is something I will never get behind. It is putting the futures of so many people, especially creative people, at risk. I fear that my wanting to be a poet means absolutely nothing when people can jump on their devices and generate a poem in seconds.

AI-generated art is deprived of the very essence of what makes art so beautiful. Humanity.

Human experiences and emotions are so fundamental to art that it becomes void of any meaning when generated by a machine.

On that note, I’m going to wrap this up. Don’t worry, there’ll be plenty more for me to say in due time. However, I want to leave you with a remaining thought.

If there is something you want to do in life. Please do it. At the end of the day, we can all write silly articles about our fears and second-guess whether we’re any good at what we do, but it won’t matter in the end unless we’ve given it a go. If you want something so desperately, go get it.

I want to be a poet and a writer, so I’m doing just that. I’m writing my little articles and pieces of prose and putting them out in the world regardless of whether they’re good, because at the end of the day, it makes me happy. We really are our own worst critics, and we’re letting that hold us back. Let’s stop that.

Go make some art! For the sake of your health and for humanity.

Thank you for reading! As an artist, producing free and accessible content is one of the driving forces behind what I do. However, it goes without saying that being an artist can be extremely difficult and doesn’t often bode well financially. So, I’ve introduced a donation option to support of my writing. It is entirely optional and in no way will ever be enforced.

I keep my Substack and other social platforms free in an attempt not to restrict content and allow everyone, regardless of financial status, to engage. Unfortunately, support for artists often falls amongst other people within the arts community. We all try to do our bit to uphold our fellow creatives. Any donation is a show of support towards my work, and I will remain eternally grateful.

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/nɒˈstaldʒ(i)ə/

A sentimental longing or wistful affection for a period in the past

I’m sure we’re all familiar with nostalgia. Those feelings of longing that make us think of better times and the version of ourselves we used to be. We seem to chase those moments, deep down though we know they won’t come around again.

If you were to ask me, I think part of nostalgia is feeling like you’ve lost yourself. I mean, fourteen-year-old me seemed to understand myself and the world a lot better than twenty-five-year-old me ever has. If wisdom does come with age, then I think I may have missed the mark.

Nostalgia is often defined as a sentimental feeling, and sure, I can understand where that comes from. There are parts of my childhood and teen years that I look back on with fondness, but for the most part, nostalgia for me seems to always relate back to identity.

And it’s a strange little thing because I feel like I don’t have an answer as to why.

Why is there a longing for who I used to be? In theory, I’m a better person now, aren’t I? I’ve lived more, experienced more, seen more of the world. I’ve done all the things that society deems to be markers of growth.

Yet I still dream of returning to myself all those years ago.

I mean, I would hate to be transported back to the environmental and social conditions of fourteen-year-old me. I was miserable outside of myself. I don’t miss the act of being a teenager, so I suppose I miss the passion and curiosity I had.

I miss the raw confidence I had in taking on the world. I miss the feeling that I had the whole damn world in my hand, and no one could tell me otherwise.

A sort of cocky naivety, I suppose.

Perhaps the nostalgia comes from a place of grief, as though you’re reminiscing about one of the skins you’ve shed. The growth that matured you out of your teens almost seems misplaced, as though you grew too much.

The feelings of nostalgia that take up space in my head all echo the remnants of teenage musings. Perhaps our teen selves were onto something and just instinctively knew what we wanted out of life. Our parents didn’t understand us because we knew more in that moment than they ever did. Cocky naivety, right?

They say young people are rude and rebellious, but I argue they’ve just got the confidence to break free of the systems we get caged in. Maybe that’s where the nostalgia sits. In the thoughts of being free again.

So, I ask now, are we really nostalgic, or are we all just trying to find happier versions of ourselves?

𖣠

This is quite a short piece as it’s one of those topics that seem to ebb and flow throughout my brain; constantly shifting and reinventing itself. I do expect to expand on it later, and I encourage you to share your thoughts! Nostalgia tends to sit in a grey area of joy and sorrow, and it’s one that I find plagues a lot of my prose. Who would we be if not nostalgic? Those sentimental feelings are what keep us going and wishing for better things. If we have those feelings of nostalgia now, then surely all our current efforts of existing will eventually turn into something worth feeling nostalgic about.

I try to keep my writing streamlined, but above everything, I keep it authentic, and in turn, that doesn’t always follow a linear process. The beauty of these personal blogs is being able to watch ourselves evolve. My raw and jumbled thoughts will always be at the forefront of my writing, and I thank you for sticking around and experiencing these crazy thoughts with me.

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Thank you for reading! As an artist, producing free and accessible content is one of the driving forces behind what I do. However, it goes without saying that being an artist can be extremely difficult and doesn’t often bode well financially. So, I’m introducing a donation option in support of my writing. It is entirely optional and in no way will ever be enforced.

I keep my Substack and other social platforms free in an attempt not to restrict content and allow everyone, regardless of financial status, to engage. Unfortunately, support for artists often falls amongst other people within the arts community. We all try to do our bit to uphold our fellow creatives. Any donation is a show of support towards my work, and I will remain eternally grateful.

support my writing!

(P.S. This is my first time using a donation platform, so please contact me on Substack or Instagram if something isn’t working!)

We are products of the women who came before us. Why are we told we have to change that? Why are we pushed to pump our mothers and grandmothers’ features full of plastics and silicones?

I think it’s safe to say that at some point, most women have fallen victim to anti-ageing regimes. We buy creams and serums that claim to minimise wrinkles. We engage in preventative measures to slow down our smile lines and crow’s feet. And we undergo all kinds of cosmetic procedures, all in an attempt to maintain a beauty standard. Standards that have consistently told women that we have to be as far from our natural selves as we can. Standards that were built by and under the patriarchy. And we see, time and time again, how youth is one of the biggest standards set for women.

Society favours youth. Social media favours youth. We are living in a youth-obsessed world. Especially one that favours youth in women. And yes, I can acknowledge that there are stigmas around men getting older; however, it quite literally does not compare. I genuinely cannot recall a time when I’ve seen anti-ageing products marketed towards men. The shelves in my local supermarkets all promote their anti-ageing products towards women. Retinols and antioxidants are sold next to shampoos and conditioners. We don’t get a chance to escape it. The idea of eradicating any signs of getting older is constantly pushed down our throats.

These beauty standards are damaging us in ways that we can’t even fully grasp. It is embedded in our minds from such a young age that we have to maintain our youth. We are constantly being fed unsolicited advice on how not to age. And it is so tiring. There is quite literally nothing we can do to slow down the ageing process. It’ll get us all in the end. We’ll all be saggy and wrinkled. And honestly, what a privilege! What a privilege it is to get old and know we’ve lived long lives. To see our smile lines and crow’s feet and know we’ve laughed, to see our wrinkled hands and feet and know they’ve carried us through it all. To know that we’ve experienced so much of life that it’s left a mark on us.

And yet, society, and particularly social media, believes that getting old is horrendous.

𓆙

Anti-ageing trends do my head in. Twenty-step skincare routines, face tape, ‘anti-ageing straws’ that are actually designed for accessibility. It all drives me crazy. Filters that de-age you, and people leaving nasty comments like “that’s a hard 20!” are just reinforcing these ridiculous beauty standards and further pushing the negativity surrounding growing old.

We see content creators making videos about their anti-ageing routines and other creators posting videos about the ‘hard truths’ of getting old, and they almost always concern beauty. Social media is more focused on the cosmetic facet of ageing. I mean, who cares if your body begins failing as long as your face looks snatched and wrinkle-free, right?

Our insecurities as women are being preyed upon, and we continue to fall victim to it.

We have ten-year-olds with skin care routines and eighteen-year-olds getting Botox. It is wild. These young girls and teens are being pressured to undertake preventive measures surrounding an ‘issue’ that quite literally isn’t relevant yet. I was worried about writing fanfictions when I was fourteen. I wasn’t even aware of anti-ageing culture. And honestly, it feels dystopian to see a preteen talking about retinol. Let teenagers be teenagers. Stop making them worry about getting old. It is so disheartening to see just how damaging beauty expectations can be towards women and how predatory the Botox industry is.

The Botox industry is based on making money off of your insecurities. Insecurities, I might add, that they helped to create. I’ve seen videos of young girls going in to get Botox and getting told about other procedures that they ‘need done.’ How crazy is that? These industries are fuelling the panic among women and sell an unattainable dream of youth. Not to mention that our faces are beginning to look the same. The phenomenon of the Instagram face is amongst us, and no one looks real anymore. We’re losing authenticity.

And whilst I can sit here and type my heart out about how bad anti-ageing culture is, I can also acknowledge how difficult it is to break away from those thought patterns. I also want to acknowledge that women can do whatever they want with themselves and that I’m no better than anyone who does engage in anti-ageing routines. But I just beg of people to dig a little deeper into the reasons as to why they’re doing it.

Be sure you’re doing it for you, and not for society, or partners, or anyone else.

Be sure that you’re not playing into another facet of the patriarchal system.

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I want to dive into something deeper now, and I’m going to preface that this next part is going to acknowledge how the beauty industry, particularly in the West, plays into pedophilic ideologies. So if you struggle with mentions of this and want to protect your peace, please scroll past!

By acknowledging the beauty industry, we need to acknowledge the pedophilic beauty standards that have been set.

When we look at female beauty standards, we notice a few patterns: petite, hairless, youthful. We are told to look so far from our natural bodies that our natural selves become unnatural. I mean, the whole resurgence of the bush in 2025 saw how a large portion of people viewed body hair as something unnatural and gross. And from what I saw, the majority of the people saying it was gross were women.

Now, I’m not the pubic police, and I think everyone has the right to do what they want, but pubic and body hair are not unclean. Perhaps if we dug a little deeper, we would find that beauty standards have led us to believe that body hair on women is gross. And thus, the pedophilic beauty standards have done their job.

Alongside this, we see how age in relation to women is used as another way to enforce these beauty standards. Phrases like ‘women expire after 25’ just further push the idea that women have to be young. We have to look young, act young, be young. A patriarchal society favours young women for the wrong reasons. The infantilisation of women is linked to the control of women. Ever noticed how women who don’t fit pedophilic beauty standards are seen as ‘difficult’ or ‘undesirable’?

I want to make it clear, too, that I am in no way accusing people of playing into these standards. I’ve played into them many times. When something is drilled into you from a young age, chances are you’ll internalise it, and it’ll become habitual. There is no shame in that. I just want women to be more aware of just how damaging these things can be.

If you want to be hairless, smooth, and look young, then it is absolutely your choice to do so! But it’s also essential to know where these standards come from, and not fall into patriarchal systems that try to enforce them. That means not being nasty to the women who don’t engage in these practices, and not spreading the message that women have to look a certain way.

𓆙

To pivot the conversation now, I want to talk about my love for getting older.

I love ageing. I love wrinkles, sunspots, grey hair, I love it all. I think it’s such a beautiful thing to get older. And it’s a privilege. I love that your memories, experiences, loved ones, and your time on this earth all reflect on your body. I love the wisdom that comes with it, and the carefreeness of it all. The ability to see your life reflected on you is just something I find so incredibly amazing.

I love that I get to see my mother and grandmother reflected in my face. I love that the women in my family have had the privilege of growing old. That their wrinkles tell a story of the lives they’ve lived. I just love it all. And I cannot wait to get old. I can’t wait to get smile lines and crow’s feet and know that I’ve laughed a lot. To let my hair go grey and know I’m getting wiser. Just to see myself age and know I’ve had the privilege of even doing so. I will never apologise for getting old, and I hope other people can begin to feel the same.

So, please stop touching your face.

Let yourself grow old.

much love x

As someone with a platform, it’s important I use my voice to stand up. Here, I’ve compiled a list of twelve nonfiction books that explore a range of topics that are affecting our society today. If there are any additional books you would like to add, please put them in the comments! Education = power.

Read widely.

The Wretched of the Earth - Frantz Fanon

First published in 1961, Fanon provides a psychoanalysis of the dehumanising effects colonialisation has upon the individual and the nation. Furthermore, Fanon discusses the role of class, race, and culture in the struggle for freedom, and the broader social, cultural, and political implications of the decolonisation of a person and of peoples.

Notes of a Native Son - James Baldwin

In this collection of essays, Baldwin draws on his life as an artist, activist, and social critic to document the dawn of the civil rights movement and examine the complex conditions of being Black in America.

Pedagogy of the Oppressed - Paulo Freire

Freire argues that the objectification of the oppressed in society, through modes of education, results in the internalisation of oppression. Freire further argues that the perceived passivity of the poor is the direct result of economic, social, and political domination.

Gender Trouble - Judith Butler

Butler explores femininity and masculinity as social performances and examines the concept of gender through traditional lenses, questioning the category of ‘woman’ and arguing that traditional feminism is wrong to look to for a natural notion of the female.

Women, Race & Class - Angela Y. Davis

Ranging from the age of slavery to contemporary injustices, Davis examines gender, race, and class, offering an alternative view of the female struggle for liberation.

The Eyes of Gaza - Plestia Alaqad

Formatted in the style of diary excerpts, Alaqad captures the experience of living through the first 45 days of the 2023 genocide in Gaza, and showcases, through the horror, the innate humanity of the people of Gaza.

Men Who Hate Women - Laura Bates

Bates presents an extreme investigation into the misogynistic networks and communities that commit deliberate acts of terror against women. Bates exposes how these ideas are spread through the media and how they become a part of our collective consciousness.

Your Silence Will Not Protect You - Audre Lorde

Lorde brings together poetry and prose to explore the power of language and how we must use our voices to articulate selfhood, confront injustices and bring about change in the world.

Regarding the Pain of Others - Susan Sontag

Sontag explores visual representations of war and violence in today’s culture and asks the reader to question the uses and meanings of the violent images we see.

Caliban and the Witch - Silvia Federici

By acknowledging the body in the transition to capitalism, Federici explores the crushing of Indigenous traditions, the enclosure of women’s reproductive powers, and how our modern world was forged in blood.

The Whole Picture - Alice Procter

Procter provides a manual for deconstructing everything you thought you knew about art history and tells the stories that have been left out of the canon. The book is divided into four sections and tackles the fascinating, enlightening, and shocking stories of the selection of art pieces.

Freedom is a Constant Struggle - Angela Y. Davis

Davis provides a collection of essays that illuminate the connections between state violence and oppression throughout history and around the world.

Acknowledgement of Country

I’d like to acknowledge the Awabakal people, who are the traditional custodians and the first storytellers of the lands on which this article was written. I pay my respects to Elders past, present, and emerging. Sovereignty was never ceded. Always was, always will be Aboriginal land.

Taylorfilms2 posted an edit to an audio from the movie Here (2024) in which Robin Wright’s character is listing off all the things she didn’t get to do. And for some reason, it was a guttural punch. Though there was an inspiring caption and the premise behind the edit was beautiful, it just got me thinking…

What if we never get to do the things we so desperately want to do?

What if it just never happens for us?

How can we come to accept the fact that the life we plan may not happen? And yeah, sure, I get it. I’m being a real pessimist here. But I can’t help but worry about the fact that maybe it just won’t happen for me. Maybe this massive, great big life I’ve planned for myself won’t come into fruition. Maybe I’ll get stuck in a job, or a relationship, or get tied down to something and forget all I’ve ever wanted.

I’ve spoken in the past about how much I want to devour life. How I want to experience everything I can. But there’s always this nagging voice in my head that is telling me that maybe it won’t happen. How do I come to accept that?

Is there a point where we have to accept a life we don’t deserve?

𓁺

I’ve been planning a big life for myself since I was a teenager. I didn’t have friends, was unemployed, extremely lonely, and lived in a household that struggled financially. So, I promised myself that I would make something big out of my life. I envisioned becoming disgustingly educated, making a well-paid career out of something creative, and having a large support system. I would spend all my free time envisioning myself in this life that was so indulgent and so rich in what I wanted. I thought I’d have it all.

Now, I spend my free time trying to dig myself out of a crater that crumbles with every movement. I’m 25 and nowhere near this big life I had planned. And yes, I know, 25 is still very young! But I haven’t even begun working on the foundations for that life. I just have a pair of tattered old plans that have stayed stuck in the back of my mind since the real world kicked in, and I developed responsibilities.

The scariest thing, though, I can’t see my plan coming into fruition any time soon. I’m still stuck financially, I still don’t have friends or a major support system, I still struggle to find a job, and I still feel lonely. And yeah, maybe I’m studying a degree that will help me in getting to where I want to be, but now I’ve got student debt, and I’m scared a degree isn’t going to be enough. At this point, I’m just surviving my 20s, and I imagine my 30s might look the same. It’s hard to have a creative dream in a world that tends to crush them.

I guess this is where some people will interject and say I’ve got to take chances and just go for it! But I have been. Consistently. For the past ten years. And I haven’t gone very far. It’s also worth noting that more often than not, a lot of people don’t have the privilege to just go for it! We’re living in a time of extreme hardship, and for some people, the risk is greater than the reward. We may have access to the diving board, but we won’t always be met with water.

Maybe it’ll come down to me working some awful 9-5 corporate job and pursuing my creative dream in the background, in the hopes of being able to maybe make something of myself.

Maybe it just won’t happen for me.

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Do you know how terrified I am of losing myself creatively? I feel so passionately about the things I love, and I ache for a life of creativity, love, and freedom. I want the life I envision for myself, but the threats of today’s world constantly take up space in my mind.

How are we, as creatives, meant to fight in a STEM-dominated and AI-loving world? How do we justify pursuing a career in the arts when we’re constantly being told it’s not safe or viable? How do we come to terms with the idea that maybe it won’t happen for us? Can we even come to accept it?

I think in order for us to come to peace with the idea that maybe our lives won’t go as planned, we need to at least be fighting for the life we want. At least that way, at the end of it all, we can say we went down fighting for a chance. And that alone means a lot more than just accepting a life we didn’t plan for.

To shift the conversation to a slightly warmer tone, I want you to know that it’s ok if your life isn’t going to plan. We aren’t exactly living in a very accommodating time. Getting by at the moment is hard. Being an adult is hard. Just existing is hard.

I hope one day it’ll come good for us, and we can go after our wildest dreams. Because we all deserve a wild creative life full of growth, love, and joy.

xo

Yet, I’ve never experienced it.

I’ve been chronically single my entire life. No relationships, no dates, no first kisses. Just plain ol’ nothing.

And before you say anything, I’ve heard it all! I don’t want to be told it’ll happen when I least expect it. So, in the nicest way possible, this one is for the girlies who have never experienced romantic love in any form.

Being someone who has never experienced romantic love is hard. Especially when we see hook-up culture being uplifted and glorified. I want a slow burn. Those small moments of intimacy that leave you feeling giddy and flushed. And when I talk of intimacy, I don’t mean in the sexual sphere. Intimacy to me means vulnerability, emotional connections, small physical touches, and just overall a deep closeness to someone.

When you’ve never had a relationship, especially when you’re in your 20s, you can’t help but feel like you’re behind. Sometimes I almost don’t feel like an adult. Dating feels like an innate human ritual that you’ve been left out of. Not to mention how sometimes it makes me feel embarrassed or immature, especially when people respond with giggles or by being genuinely baffled by the idea of not having dated someone. I’ve even seen some internet discourse around how people who haven’t dated before in their 20s are just walking red flags, which, in itself, is a highly questionable take.

I don’t think many people realise how isolating this can be. Having never dated someone makes you miss out on a lot of things. We didn’t get that first young love, we haven’t experienced all these romantic ‘firsts’ and learnt lessons from them, we don’t get to sit with our friends and rant about our exes. I know for me personally, the hardest aspect of having never dated is the social stigma that surrounds it.

Not having relationship experience is an isolating experience and ends up warranting so many unsolicited opinions and advice. I get told, ‘You just haven’t found the right person! Your time will come. It’ll happen when you least expect it!’ And I’m so tired of it. I don’t want to hear these things anymore. I’m sorry, but your advice and opinions are nothing but reductive. I also get told I just need self-love, or community, or platonic relationships. But I have all these things, and they don’t fill the void that romantic love leaves.

I’m doing all the things people say, and yet I’m continuously met with the same advice that ‘it’ll happen one day’. I’ve spent years waiting and trying to make it happen, but it’s not happening. And when this happens, you begin to internalise it all, and you start questioning that maybe after all, something is wrong with you. Maybe it just won’t happen. And that’s an awful feeling.

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Being chronically single has the capacity to mess up your perception of yourself. You begin to internalise it and start thinking about what is wrong with you. What has made me so undesirable that not even once has anyone pursued me? Never being pursued feels like a cruel joke, and you can’t find the answer as to why. What is so off-putting about me that I’ve never been thought of in a romantic way? Cue the unsolicited advice. Kidding! But not really (this tends to be where people start interjecting their thoughts).

Love almost feels like a primal and innate human thing. And so, to be stripped of it feels humiliating. I think it’s also worth noting here that at the current moment, I am happy to be single and I’m not pursuing romantic love. But actively not pursuing it and never having experienced the pursuit are two very different things. I do want romantic love at some point in my life, but having not experienced it so far has been damaging. I continually find myself internalising all these thoughts about who I am and how I present myself to the world. I wonder if maybe there is something undesirable about me. I even wonder if maybe it just won’t happen for me. Maybe I won’t get that hopeless romantic love I’ve always wanted.

Trying to come to terms with the idea of romantic love not happening feels horrible. I love being a hopeless romantic and would love to one day have someone in my life that I can share that connection with. But I also need to think realistically that maybe it won’t happen. Because it’s the truth. It just doesn’t happen for some people. Some people don’t get to find their person and feel romantically fulfilled. And that right there, that hurts my soul.

I want to feel desired, and seen, and loved. But I can’t promise myself that’ll happen.

I think I try to protect myself from feeling like that by being single. Over the last few months, I’ve stopped trying to pursue relationships. I guess I’m protecting those feelings of being undesired by telling myself that I’m opting to be single. That I don’t want to spend my time in relationships. Perhaps if I convince myself of this, I’ll stop feeling a sense of guilt and, admittedly, shame, in not having dating experience.

And, whilst in this period of my life, I am choosing to remain single, I’m not going to lie to you that there isn’t a deep guttural part of me that continues to want for romantic love.

I hope it happens for me one day.

Thank you for reading! As Valentine’s Day approaches, I’ve been feeling a little vulnerable and wanted to pour some of my thoughts out. My heart goes out to anyone who is feeling the same, and I hope that my words might bring a small bit of solace in knowing that you’re not alone in these feelings!

And as each year rolls through and comes to an end, I find that I haven’t reached the goals I had set for myself. Disappointment ensues, and the cycle begins again.

So, I’m taking a vow.

I vow to myself for 2026 to be the year of softness.

No more expectations. No more unrealistic goals.

I want to live slowly and deliciously.

Going into the new year, I’ve decided to take a different approach to my annual skin shedding. I don’t want to change myself; I want to try and foster new growth within the things I already do and try and cull some of the things that aren’t benefiting me. I’m not changing, I’m growing.

So, with this new growth, I’ve curated a list of some of the things I’d like to let go of and made a small list of things I’d like to manifest for myself. I’ve also created a sort of ‘vibes’ vision board to get a sense of what I’d like the year to look like.

I’m trying to avoid ideologies around rebranding and the infamous ‘new year, new me’ slogan we like to throw around. Simply because it has just never worked for me. The idea of growth seems to sit better with me, and I like the idea of being able to nurture certain aspects of my life. I don’t need to be replanted, just weeded.

I want my 2026 to be defined by two major themes: living slowly and living deliciously.

Living slowly means taking my time and savouring everything, and living deliciously means living in indulgence and abundance. Let’s jump into these and some other seedlings I hope to grow in the new year.

⋆ living slowly ⋆

I have a tendency to rush. I need things to happen quickly. If I don’t see results quickly, I quit. It’s a nasty habit, I know. So, one of the things I’d like to let go of is my sense of urgency. Why am I rushing through life? The time will pass anyway, so why not let it pass slowly?

I want to let my projects drag out, allow myself to be bored, and indulge in things more slowly. Long walks, reading deeply, handwritten notes. I just want to take my time. In a world where everything is rushed, I want to take a breath and slow it down a little.

⋆ living deliciously ⋆

To live deliciously, one must be ready to eat.

I want to grab hold of every opportunity that presents itself to me in 2026. I often find excuses and stop myself from exploring anything new because I’m afraid of leaving my bubble. But this fear has stopped me from blossoming. And it needs to stop.

I want to take anything that is offered and take full advantage of it. To sink my teeth into it and let the juices flow down my chin. Even if it makes me afraid, or I’m convinced it won’t add anything to my life. I don’t want the ‘what ifs’ to eat me alive one day.

⋆ exploring more ⋆

Humanity is incredibly diverse in what it can offer. Yet, most of us sit idly in our little boxes and watch as it passes us by. Let’s break out and explore.

There are many many many things I want to learn about: literature, ancient history, witchcraft, sociology, and folklore, just to name a few. There are also places, jobs, emotions, experiences, and many more I want to explore. I want to be grossly overeducated and knowledgeable and pump my brain full of facts and histories.

⋆ nurturing creativity ⋆

I love being a creative person, but in order to maintain this, I need to nurture it. This year was huge for me, creatively wise! I started my Substack, my booktok hit some crazy numbers, I was making zines and taking up new creative mediums. But towards the end of the year, I started feeling blocked and burnt out. I had pushed myself too far and was feeling a lot of pressure to create just so I would have something to put on my socials.

I was putting stuff out into the world without nurturing myself. I let the pressure get to me, and I started resenting my creativity. It was a chore. And I think most, if not all, creatives have felt this at some point. It’s hard to find the balance between profit and personal gain when it comes to creating.

In 2026, I want to create purely for pleasure. If I can’t think of something to write or books to recommend, I just won’t post anything. The pressure of social media being fast-paced has altered our perception of creation, and we need to rethink our expectations of artists. After all, it would be weeks, months, and even years between the creations of famous artists, and they were still celebrated. So, take a break, your brain will thank you.

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Now I’m going to move on to some things I’m letting go of for 2026. It hasn’t served me, so it’s time to let it go.

⋆ being cruel ⋆

Sometimes, it’s easy to be cruel. Especially to ourselves. We deserve kindness. In my head, my biggest hater is myself. That little voice is constantly snaking its way through all my thoughts and convincing me that everything I do is in vain. That I will achieve nothing, and it’s what I deserve.

And do I deserve it? No. I deserve kindness and niceness. If you’re wondering if that’s my ego talking, then you would be correct. But why not advocate for ourselves? After all, at the end of the day, we have to live in our own minds.

This also extends to other people. Unless someone is just downright a terrible person, which even then it’s a slippery moral slope, there is no need to be cruel. The amount of bullying, gossip, and downright nastiness I saw across social media this year was mind-blowing. There’s just no need for it. Scroll on, people.

⋆ digital dependence ⋆

I depend on technology a lot. And for things that I don’t even need it for. The art of handwritten things and physical media was lost on me this year. My screen time is shameful, and I’ve poured all my time into three devices. I’ve become too dependent on digital technologies, and it’s time to stop.

I’m going to start handwriting my notes, journaling all my thoughts and feelings, setting screen time limits on my socials, and just sitting and letting my old noggin think for itself. I’ll just sit on the porch and stare off into space like my grandma does.

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And finally, I’ve curated a small vision board to try and get a sense of what I’d like the year to look like. I was never really a vision board girly, but I think it allows me to clearly lay out what I want, and I guess they’re pretty fun to make.

If you’re still here, thank you! Your time means so much to me, and I feel so blessed that I get to share my silly little thoughts with you! And hey, if you feel like it, maybe share your own vision board in the comments! I love seeing what people want out of their lives.

much love xx

But honestly, nothing has changed…

My family and I both had to work, so I spent this milestone of a birthday getting berated by customers and disassociating during my lunch break.

I had planned for something big. Something spectacular. And it just didn’t happen. Life got in the way. As it does.

There seems to be a common consensus when we’re young that our lives will be figured out by the time we’re 25. And I don’t know about you guys, but as a child, I was convinced I would be married, have children, and have a full-time career all by the time I was 25.

The score, you ask. Zero out of three.

But isn’t that beautiful? To be 25 and free. To be 25 and have a whole life in front of me to plan.

Now, this goes without saying that if you are married, or have children, or have a full-time career by 25, that’s great! That’s your life and your choices, and I wouldn’t judge anyone based on where they are in life. However, this piece might not be for you. And that’s fine too!

This is the beauty of life and growth. We’re all on our own paths. Schedules don’t exist.

All that aside, let’s dive deeper into the plight of turning 25!

I can’t quite put my finger on it, but being 25 feels big to me. Somewhere in myself, I can feel that it’s going to be a big year for me. Growth-wise, achievement-wise, career-wise. And I can’t wait for it. I’m in a place in my life where I have an abundance of room to grow, and I’m going to let it happen.

To expand my horizons and take every opportunity I can get sounds so fun. I’m tired of restricting myself. And maybe it’s my frontal lobe finally developing, or maybe it’s the thought of being ‘25’, or maybe it’s just finally time for me to stop being so damn cruel to myself. But I am so ready to stop grieving the life I’ve always wanted and finally start going for it.

And who knows, maybe in five years’ time I’ll be wanting something completely different and look back at myself and giggle at my naivety. But that is the beauty of growth! We get to continually shift and change our paths. We get to learn new habits and unlearn the bad ones. We get to indulge in new hobbies and pleasures, meet new people, and go to new places! It’s all in our growth, baby!! It’s ok to rewrite yourself over and over again.

We quite literally only get one attempt at our life, and we need to be doing as much as we can! And if you try something new and hate it… great! You’ve just grown! You’ve just come to understand yourself a little better. Maybe try picking it up again in a few years, and you might surprise yourself!

Living in fear is killing us.

And I’m not saying to go out and change your entire life, because that in itself is a major privilege. I’m just saying to maybe loosen the grip on your bearings a little and see where it might take you. Sometimes we need to let go in order to grow.

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Deadlines have been haunting me since I was a child.

Our lives tend to operate on deadlines, whether it’s in our education or professions. The past year, I was living from deadline to deadline. My life was mapped by university assignments and personal goals. I kept setting all these unrealistic timeframes for myself and was beating myself up whenever I didn’t reach them. I was feeling pressured under a system I had created for myself.

And I think it’s safe to say that it’s no surprise that social media has a huge part in these pressure systems. I see so much content that advocates for deadlines in our lives. ‘We should be living on our own in our 20s, we should be working a full-time career by our 30s, you need to of done x, y, & z by the time you’re this age’.

It’s crazy.

Why are we pressuring ourselves to live by the expectations of others (absolutely loaded question there, ella!)?

To be completely honest, I have not met any of the deadlines I’ve set myself in previous years. I’m not where I would like to be career-wise, social-wise, and academic-wise. But I’m here, and I’m working on it. So that counts.

Living by deadlines burns us out, and we begin to not appreciate the smaller things we achieve.

Have I graduated from university yet? Nope, but I’ve been getting some great feedback on my assignments, and I’ve met plenty of new people!

Have I got a place of my own? Nope, but I get to save money and build my finances to a point where I can live on my own with complete financial freedom!

Have I landed my dream career? Nope, but I’m gaining a lot of experience and am getting to learn about my field without the pressure of full-time employment! Plus, I love my little retail job!

Personal deadlines, for the most part, just drag us down into the mud and leave us there. You don’t need to have things figured out by a certain point. And look at all the amazing things people have achieved later in life! I mean, Toni Morrison didn’t publish her first novel until she was 40.

If there’s something deep in your bones that you know that you want, then go for it! It doesn’t matter how long it’ll take; you’ll continue to age regardless.

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Now here comes the list of 25 things I’ve learnt that nobody really cares about. But alas, maybe it’ll help someone, or maybe it’ll teach you something new, or give you a new perspective on things. Who knows. Anyway…

1. Time will always pass.

2. Take every opportunity that gets presented to you, regardless of whether you think it’s good or bad.

3. It’s never too late to change where you stand on anything. A life of education is a life well lived.

4. Read as much as you can! It truly is good for your mind, body, and soul.

5. Be friendly but not passive. Boundaries are important.

6. Get out in nature from time to time. Trust me, you’ll feel better.

7. Art is, was, and always will be important for humanity. Indulge in it.

8. Expand your music horizons. You might surprise yourself.

9. No is ALWAYS a full answer.

10. Your appearance doesn’t define you. Don’t let it hold you back.

11. Ageing is cool. Wrinkles are fun.

12. Invest in your community, whether it’s locally or self-made.

13. It’s ok to outgrow people.

14. Always be honest. The truth is easier to handle in the long run.

15. Boundaries can change, so long as they’re not hurting you.

16. It’s ok to be a hopeless romantic. You don’t have to participate in hookup culture.

17. Physical media is worth the investment. Don’t let digital streaming define your consumption.

18. Get off social media from time to time. It’ll be hard, but the fomo is better than the burnout

19. Handwritten letters are always more sentimental. Get those pens and pencils out.

20. Journal. It’s an outlet you’ve been craving.

21. It’s ok to not know what you want. The beauty is in the trial and error.

22. Solitude can be beneficial. Don’t let it consume you, though.

23. Buy yourself nice things. You deserve it.

24. Hate will never win. Be the best person you can be.

25. Live on your own conditions. At the end of the day, you’ve got to live inside your own mind, so make it habitable.

If you’re still here, thank you. Turning 25 wasn’t the big fanfare I had expected, but it gave me time to reflect and acknowledge what is important to me. Here’s to a year of a developed frontal lobe, great opportunities, and so so so much growth! xx

Social media has viciously consumed my life for the past ten years, and it’s starting to show. My attention span is shot, I lose patience way too easily, and I’m constantly living in a fast-paced world where I can find any information I want almost immediately. And because of all this, I feel burnt out. I find it ironic that out of everything that’s currently stressing me out, my recreational time is the thing that’s biting me in the ass. You gotta love the irony.

I hate that I’m consciously aware of how damaging my doomscrolls are, and I hate even more that the damage is beginning to show. To pause for a minute and toot my own horn, I was an excellent reader, writer, and speller when I was a kid and a teenager. I even had the patience of a saint and used my boredom to fuel my creativity. But now, I don’t even let myself get bored. We’ve stopped allowing ourselves to be bored, and that’s truly where a lot of the damage begins.

Digital overconsumption is raging. We have access to a world of knowledge in our hands and can access it within seconds. Though arguably, it’s doing us more harm than good. We’re constantly plugged in, and it’s hard to silence it. Especially when it’s almost impossible to function without some piece of technology. We’re using our phones for almost everything these days. Communicating, working, banking, shopping, etc. Sometimes I don’t think there’s even a single way of existing in today’s world without needing some form of tech.

Not to mention our overuse of social media apps. Guilty as charged. I have all the major social media apps, and I don’t think a single day has passed since I was fourteen that I didn’t use at least one of them. And it’s exhausting. Surely being in a constant loop of information isn’t good for us. And now with the rise of AI, we can’t even guarantee that what we’re consuming is authentic.

My dopamine levels by now must be working overtime. In my doomscrolls, I consume so much information (which I hardly ever retain), and my emotions are constantly all over the place. I can go from sobbing to frustration to laughter all in three scrolls. And at the same time, my patience is getting shorter and shorter. I’ve begun watching most videos at 2x speed, or I’ll just straight up scroll if the video is longer than a certain timeframe.

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How did I go from being able to watch hours of YouTube videos to not even being able to comfortably sit through a three-minute TikTok? Am I doomed?

Maybe not doomed. But definitely brain rotted. Ah… brain rot. Don’t worry, I hate the word too. But I guess I’ve got to acknowledge there’s some truth in it. The plight of enjoying social media has now become a battle of cognitive decline. Short-form content has been the bane of my existence.

Over the past few months, I’ve begun noticing ways in which I believe my brain has been altered thanks to the all-consuming love affair I’ve had going with my phone. I have no patience anymore, and this doesn’t just apply to my phone. I feel I’ve lost patience in the real world, too. Sometimes I find myself getting irritated when something isn’t happening fast enough. And that is so ridiculous to me because life doesn’t happen fast.

I’ve found that my spelling and grammar are horrendous now. Whenever I’m writing by hand, I find myself second-guessing words and trying to remember how to spell them. Which honestly scares me because I’m a huge advocate for literacy, and the fact that I couldn’t remember how to spell meteorology the other day is a major red flag. That reminds me I should turn off spell-check.

The biggest thing that has concerned me, though, with brain rot, is the lack of joy and passion I feel now. It just isn’t there anymore. I find it hard to enjoy my hobbies and find joy in anything outside of a digital dopamine hit.

I haven’t engaged with any of my hobbies for months. I haven’t even read a book since August. Which as a literary studies student and as an avid reader, that is really disheartening. I just don’t have the drive to pick one up and commit. And I know I can contribute it to my patience levels and the fact that I know it won’t evoke anything in me within seconds. It honestly devastates me that my brain has become like this.

I love my hobbies, and I so desperately want to find joy in them again.

So, here’s where I hold myself accountable and get my ass in motion about changing my digital consumption. After reading articles and watching countless YouTube videos on how to stop the scroll, here are a few things I’m committing to in my attempt at going analogue. Now I will acknowledge that to me, going analogue doesn’t mean completely cutting out technology because I’m studying my degree online and am trying to be realistic. That’s not to say, though, that you other girlies can’t go completely tech-free if you want. We just do what we can. Anyway, here they are:

Search Journal

I’ve started what I’m calling my ‘search journal.’ Anytime I think of a question or want to research something, I write it down, and at the end of the week, I sit and go through all the questions I’ve written down. That way, I’m not constantly reaching for my phone, and I’m even forcing myself in that moment to slow my thinking down and allow my curiosity to build.

Daily Digital Schedule

I’m giving myself two hours of digital leisure a day, across my phone, computer, and television. This doesn’t count towards any use of tech that contributes to my degree, but rather to how much recreational time I’m spending on my devices. Across weekends, I stretch it to four hours, which pushes me to limit all my TV show binges to the weekends.

Journaling

Probably the biggest one I’m trying to implement. I want to be a writer, so I need to write. And journaling is going to help me do that. It allows me to just sit with myself and let my brain run wild. I try and write everything I can. There’s no such thing as a silly thought around here.

Re-engaging with my hobbies

This one has been hard, but it’s a work in progress. I’ll usually leave my phone in another room and just sit with whatever it is I’ve chosen to do. Sometimes I’ll feel a spark and start immersing myself, and sometimes I just sit and stare at it. Either way, my brain is getting a break.

Walking

Who knew that actually getting fresh air and moving your body was good for you? Now this one does have a little cheating element to it, but it kinda needs it. I try and get outside and walk every day, and I’m blessed to live in a really beautiful coastal town, but the landscape and walking tracks are rugged and at times isolated, so unfortunately, because I’m a woman, I bring my phone with me. I do try and keep it in my pocket, though. I’ve found that bringing a pen and my journal and even just sitting and writing about what I can see is a nice break for my brain.

And that’s it for now.

Something I do want to try and add in the future is writing all my Substack articles by hand. I think that would be a really fun way to get all my thoughts out on paper and then allow myself the beauty of structuring and editing them all.

Overall, I want to be mindful of my use of technology. I know I can’t escape it, so I want to put up boundaries to protect myself a little better. My brain deserves it.

much love xx

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The bush has evolved time and time again throughout all of human history. It’s said that some women in the ancient world saw pubic hair as dirty or being linked to a lower social class, so they made creams that would singe off their hair, with some sources describing women plucking their pubic hair one by one. Removing pubic hair isn’t new, and it’s something that has been continuously pushed onto women. Imagine then, the confusion when I saw Skims advertising a faux pubic hair product. Let’s explore a little further, shall we?

2025 saw another bush renaissance thanks to an Etsy review. Earlier in the year, an Etsy user shared a review for a bikini that included a photo of her in the bikini with a full bush. And the internet went crazy. A bush renaissance emerged. There were so many discourses that explored pubic hair in relation to feminism, the patriarchy, beauty standards, and so much more. Creators were posting videos of themselves in bikinis sporting their full bush, women were cancelling their waxing appointments, and there seemed to be an entire cultural shift towards being pro-bush. The bush is back, baby!

Now, we’ve seen movements like this in the past, the ‘60s and ‘70s arguably being one of the biggest, but as this ‘pro-bush movement’ kept spreading, it started feeling somewhat more like a trend than something that was going to stick around. It all began feeling performative. Do you really love your full bush, or did you just want to post a TikTok about it and be a part of a trend? When I saw the news that Skims had released a ‘bush thong’, I couldn’t help but question the authenticity of selling a product that seems to be responding to a trend. Not to mention an item that is profiting off of something that has been shamed for centuries.

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In case you hadn’t heard, Skims released a line of thongs that feature faux hair in an array of different colours and styles, sporting the tagline ‘the full bush.’ These thongs are retailing at $70 AUD (roughly $45 USD), and it’s kinda strange. But perhaps not as strange as I thought, because according to the Skims website, they’re all sold out, though I have seen some internet discussions arguing that having them advertised as sold out is a marketing move that generates more interest. All of this aside, surely, I’m not the only one who thinks that they actually kind of look ridiculous and of low quality. I mean, the ‘hair’ on them almost looks plastic.

Kim Kardashian has essentially built her brand on women’s insecurities, and according to an article addressing the viral Skims thongs, it was only months ago that she was promoting an at-home laser hair removal device. So, I have to ask, are these faux hair thongs purely performative and merely a commercial response to a trend? And why continue to capitalise on something that women have been continuously shamed for?

Female body hair, let alone pubic hair, has and continues to be shamed throughout society. If you read the comments on any post of a woman who has body hair, you’ll see just how detrimental female beauty standards have been towards women. We’re taught that body hair is unclean, masculine, and ‘not right’. Funny when you compare it to how male body hair is seen, isn’t it?

To me, companies that build their identity and profit off of insecurities are gross. You’re creating a ‘solution’ to something that isn’t even a problem. You’re reinforcing unrealistic beauty standards that were formed under the patriarchy. You’re also allowing women to feel bad about themselves just so you can sell something. It also needs to be acknowledged that for women of colour, especially, body hair is intertwined with the history of colonialism and racial hierarchies.

Women get told not to exist in their natural state unless, of course, it’s something that can get sold back to them. But alas, profit makes the world go around, right? No better way to market something than first establishing it as a solution and creating insecurities around it.

Unfortunately, a lot of the hate comments surrounding female body hair are sent by other women. And it breaks my heart to see that they’ve fallen for the patriarchy. To look at body hair realistically, we can acknowledge that it’s there for a purpose. It serves our body either through ways of protection or prevention, and quite simply, it wouldn’t grow if we didn’t need it in some capacity.

To shift our focus a little bit, I’ve seen people asking who these faux hair thongs are actually for. And I fear it brings more questions than answers. I’ve seen people acknowledging that perhaps people who are going through hair loss are using them, or people looking for gender affirmative care. And these are entirely valid reasons. If you’re buying or wanting to buy faux hair products for any reason that pertains to your health or your identity, then please go for it. No need to listen to my ramblings.

On the other hand, I still question what kind of market Skims was aiming for. Sure, from a marketing standpoint, there could be potential for a market. Women have been sold hair removal methods for decades upon decades, and sometimes these methods significantly slow or entirely stop the hair growing process. And then with the rise of the bush earlier in the year, I could see why there could be a market for it. But I still feel like I don’t get it. If you pay money to get hair removed, why then would you go and spend money to have it back? Are you just doing it for the trend?

With the full bush making its resurgence, it’s hard to determine whether it’s all just a trend or whether it’s a cultural shift that’ll change our approach to female body hair. Unfortunately, it seems to be a trend. Earlier in the year, when the whole Etsy bush bikini began, there was an influx of new thinking towards pubic hair. Every second post I saw was celebrating the bush or making memes about living with a bush. Even t-shirts and other material items were being made to acknowledge and spread the love of a full bush. But now? That seems to have disappeared. Hate comments about body hair are coming back, and more hair removal content is being pushed into our feeds. The bush is not back, baby!

To wrap this all up, I ask you to have a think about your own approach to female body hair, and if it makes you uncomfortable or you firmly believe in its removal, I gently encourage you to ask yourself why you feel like this. As women, sometimes we don’t realise just how big an effect patriarchal beauty standards can have on us, and we get caught up in its messy web. Be gentle to yourself, and make sure you’re doing things to benefit YOU, not our society.

much love x

The library for me is a safe and welcoming place that ignited a passion for books that still burns in me today. It’s also a space for community, growth, and knowledge. Libraries provide so much to local communities, and I think at times they’re often overlooked.

By now, we’re all aware of how BookTok and other book communities are contributing to overconsumption. We see creators buying multiple versions of the same book, filling their bookshelves with hundreds of books that will go unread, and commodifying the act of reading. Overconsumption of books is a huge problem plaguing reading communities at the moment, and I’ll acknowledge that I’ve also been part of the problem.

I own many books, and in the past have bought books purely based on trends. But there came a point I had to stop because I was buying way more books than I was reading. Now I source my books through the library or second-hand. And if there is a book I want to buy new, I make the conscious effort to buy from independent sellers, such as Amplify, a bookstore that exclusively stocks books from BIPOC authors.

Libraries can be so influential in combating book consumption, and it’s something I encourage all readers to consider. Now I want to acknowledge that not everyone has access to a library, and that’s ok! But if you do, I highly encourage you to go get yourself a library card, familiarise yourself with the staff, and utilise everything the library has to offer.

I find that borrowing books helps me with reading slumps and encourages me to actually read what I’ve borrowed. And if you’re worried about being a slow reader, most libraries have a loan period of 30 days with the option to extend if needed. Borrowing books lowers consumption and saves you money! Not to mention you’re also supporting your local community and creating a demand to keep libraries open.

Libraries help to build community and can create a safe space for so many individuals. I think one of the biggest misconceptions surrounding libraries is that they only revolve around books. There is so much more to a library than books. SBS (2025) published a podcast/article that discusses just how crucial libraries are in creating and supporting communities, especially marginalised communities, and how these library spaces provide safe and inviting hubs for people to retreat to. Personally, the library has always been a place of connection for me, and somewhere I knew I could go to get help with anything I needed. Not to mention that library workers are some of the kindest people I’ve ever met.

Libraries offer so many things outside of books, and I encourage you to do some research on your local library and take advantage of what it can offer. We need to be using libraries more often. I don’t think people realise just how detrimental losing libraries can be to a community and local area, so please, if you have the capacity, go to a library! Libraries are some of the only spaces where you can go to just be. There’s no pressure to use services, and you can just exist in a space that requires nothing of you. They’re a haven, and we need to protect that.

Furthermore, libraries foster a wealth of knowledge and provide free and accessible information across a variety of subjects. They preserve history and are important fighters against misinformation. By losing libraries, we’re losing knowledge.

Live out your Matilda fantasy and get yourself a library card. Visit your local branch and spend a few hours amongst the books. Utilise the services and programs offered. Make conversation with the librarians. Borrow a book, or ten.

Support your local library. 🗣️

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Works cited

Bourget, A. (2025, April 8). Beyond books: How libraries build and support communities in Australia. SBS. https://www.sbs.com.au/language/english/en/podcast-episode/beyond-books-how-libraries-build-and-support-communities-in-australia/vbod0yfyb

Doomscrolling has been the bane of my existence for a few years now. I always catch myself mindlessly scrolling through the same three apps, never getting anything out of it. So in an attempt to break out of the scroll and undo some of the brain rot, I’ve been consciously choosing content that brings me joy and forces me to think. Stay content-conscious.

JAMES BALDWIN & MAYA ANGELOU DISCUSSION

James Baldwin and Maya Angelou are among my all-time favourite writers. This literary discussion is something I come back to regularly, and I always find something new to think about. Two incredible artists who deserve a portion of your time.

TONI MORRISON INTERVIEW (1977)

Another incredible artist and another one of my favourite writers. Toni Morrison delivers some of the most subtle yet profound insights into literature, gender, and the importance of storytelling.

SADE - LOVE DELUXE ALBUM

Sade has been a regular in my writing and study routines. There’s something so soft and beautiful about the music, and her lyricism feels poetic. As a self-proclaimed yearner, there’s something a little more alluring in the Love Deluxe album.

LAKESONG - LAKSHMI KANCHI

Lakesong is an anthology of poetry that I first read over a year ago, and I keep coming back to it. Kanchi’s prose is hauntingly beautiful. Transcending across themes of identity and location, this collection stays with you after reading.

ON PHOTOGRAPHY - SUSAN SONTAG

Earlier in the year, I finished Regarding the Pain of Others and knew I had to pick up another one of Sontag’s non-fiction books. In On Photography, Sontag critiques the ethics of photography and invites us to question issues that surround the art.

EVER AFTER (1998)

Over the last few weeks, I’ve been consuming different adaptations of Cinderella for one of my university classes, and please tell me why I was not aware of Ever After! I had such a fun time watching this, and the costumes were absolutely gorgeous! Drew Barrymore with those wings and the face glitter? Amazing.

What have you consumed this week? Let me know:

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We are so terrified of being perceived outside of the ‘norm’ that we become trapped in a cycle fuelled by complicity, conformity, and hate.

As someone who used to religiously watch cringe compilation videos, most of our thoughts around cringe culture are derived from what we see online. We get told over and over again how to think, act, and behave by social media, and we are terrified of stepping out of line. It’s almost like high school all over again.

We pick on the people who are different. But why do we do it? Is it because we’re afraid of being targeted for being different? Or is it because we’re afraid of being our authentic selves?

Cringe culture is hurting you.

With the rise of social media and with almost everyone having access to a smartphone, we’re afraid of being perceived negatively. There’s a new sense of surveillance that we haven’t felt before. People are constantly being filmed in public or being approached by ‘pranksters’ who shove their cameras in your face, hoping for a reaction. We can’t escape the unrelenting jaws of social conformity.

Not to mention that this kind of surveillance culture is hurting us. We are holding ourselves back or conforming to an idea of what we should be. There’s a huge loss of the authentic self within cringe culture. We get preoccupied with what we shouldn’t be doing and miss out on our sense of self. I’m sure we’ve all experienced stopping ourselves from doing something out of fear of being perceived as cringe.

Who gets to decide what is cringe though? The Oxford English Dictionary’s most recent entry defines ‘cringe’ as ‘causing feelings of acute embarrassment or awkwardness; that makes one cringe; cringeworthy.’ So, how then did we turn this into defining people as cringe? When did certain qualities, traits, and actions suddenly become embarrassing purely because they may have made you feel a bit uncomfortable?

People are only cringe because you are perceiving them through societal expectations that have been built for and by you. Had you not been a victim of these systems, then you simply wouldn’t think twice about them. Arguably, you also only find them cringe because you’re too afraid to be your authentic self without judgement.

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We need to just let people be who they want to be. Who cares if they don’t meet societal expectations or if they do things you’d never dream of doing in public? Cringe will only continue to haunt us if we let it. The more we play into ideas of cringe culture, the longer it’s going to stick around and the longer it’s going to haunt us. People are always going to be different, and that does not give us the right to be mean or bully and harass them.

It is ok to be cringe.

By accepting your own cringe, you’re accepting a more genuine sense of self. Break out of the cage of your mind and be free of the cringe. In order to truly be your authentic self, you need to embrace this so-called cringe, and who cares if you end up in a YouTube compilation with 3047 views? At least you’ll be at peace.

Embrace the cringe.

/ˌmʌnɪtʌɪˈzeɪʃn/:

the action of earning revenue from an asset, business, etc.

Monetisation.

I’m sure I just heard thousands of creators shudder.

As artists, we all deserve to be paid for our work. But where do we sit in the act of commodifying ourselves, and when does the line begin to blur between passion and profit?

Over the last few days, I’ve kept seeing pop-ups about allowing paid subscriptions, and it keeps stirring a murky feeling in me. Getting paid to write sounds brilliant! Creating a financial barrier for readers, not so much. How can I navigate being paid to write without feeling guilty about creating financial barriers?

As an aspiring writer, an academic, and a literature fiend, I don’t like the idea of restricting resources. In today’s age and with our access to new digital technologies, information should be easily accessible and, arguably, free. Money should not be a barrier to knowledge. Even if it's just my silly little articles and prose. It doesn’t sit right with me to create a financial barrier with an audience. Why should someone with more money be able to access more from me?

And I am not in any way bagging on people who do. Everyone needs an income and deserves the right to get adequately paid for their time and art. I just struggle with the idea of it. Am I going to eventually turn on paid subscribers? Most likely. But how then do I decide who gets what? That sort of power feels heavy in my chest. And I really don’t like it. Maybe there’s an alternative.

It’s a bit ironic, though, isn’t it? The girl who is paying for a university degree, has multiple subscriptions to literary journals, and eventually wants to be an educator, is arguing that knowledge should be free. And it is ironic. But I don’t know how to navigate these feelings. If I’m willing to read other people’s work, why then should I feel any different about monetising my own?

I guess I feel like I’m commodifying myself. And that’s where the line between passion and profit gets blurred. I’m worried that if I begin writing for profit, I’m going to lose my direction and begin writing from the wrong places. I write to share my thoughts, feelings, and experiences of the world, and I don’t want that monetised. My brain is a free-for-all.

All in all, though this has only been some surface-level thoughts on artists and the act of commodifying oneself, it is definitely a topic I would love to explore deeper, and I would love to hear your thoughts!

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I was an avid reader and self-proclaimed bookworm throughout my childhood and pre-teens. I always remember being surrounded by books and reading as much as I could. Every birthday and Christmas meant new books, and I am so grateful for my family really leaning into this passion and allowing me to flourish. My favourite teacher in school was the school librarian, so shoutout to Ms. Henry for igniting my passion for literature. The Scholastic Book Fair was my favourite day of the year, and I was always acing the school reading challenges. Books were my life.

Books gave me much comfort, and as a child who was bullied, they gave me the chance to escape my reality, and so I felt safe amongst the words of another. I was truly a reader at heart. I still remember the day I got my library card. I felt like Matilda.

That passion continued into my pre-teens, and I felt so much like myself when I was reading. It just felt like this is what I was meant to do with my life. Even now, I struggle to capture just how fundamental reading is to me. It feels like such a huge part of my life, and it intersects with so many aspects of my identity. To feel so passionate about something is truly a blessing, and to be able to choose it as a life path is mind-blowing to me. Literature is so important, and I want to ignite that passion in other people.

During high school, I stopped reading as much and lost that spark. I was trying to fit in, and readers were seen as the losers, so I threw out most of my books (which I still haven’t recovered from), and I stopped engaging with anything to do with reading. Though English was secretly my favourite class. It wasn’t until my early 20s, and with the rise of BookTok, that I picked up reading again and really focused all my energy into it.

During 2021, BookTok started becoming a regular in my content consumption, and that passion started coming back. I began reading again, and books started piling up around my room again. And while there’s all this discourse around BookTok, I do have to admit that it was probably the main driving factor in me reading again. In fact, I even made an account that I still post on. I like to argue, though, that I’m on the ‘right’ side of BookTok, which that statement in itself is loaded and a topic for another time.

Books really helped me to start feeling like myself again, and I felt gratified, so I decided to take it seriously and pursue it in an academic and professional sense. I was already in university studying for a degree that I wasn’t entirely happy with, but I thought it was going to be beneficial for my future, so I kept sticking with it. Then, at the beginning of this year, I decided to take a leap and go after what I wanted. We truly only get one life, so why not go after what I want? I figured I would rather take the risk and be happy than play it safe and live with regret. So, I dropped out of my old university and applied for a new degree at a different university.

It has been the best decision I’ve ever made. I’m now studying a Bachelor of Arts, majoring in literature and children’s literature and minoring in creative writing. I think 8-year-old me would be proud. In context, it seems silly of me not to go after something I’m so passionate about. Six months in with this change, and I feel truly happy and content.

Reading is my life. Reading is me. I’m meant to be surrounded by books and spend every minute of my spare time talking about them. It’s who I am. It’s who I want to be. So please, if you’re reading this, go after what you’re passionate about. It will be so worth it.

once a reader, always a reader

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Have you ever wanted something so badly; so violently?

Something you can pick at, swallow whole, and spend every waking hour consuming.

That is how I want to receive everything that is put before me.

I want so much out of life. I want to pick apart every little detail of everything I experience. I want to fill journals with every thought and then come back and feed myself with my words. I want to indulge myself in new cultures, languages, and literature. I want to take life in my hand, sink my teeth into the pip and let the juices flow down my chin.

For most of my teenage years and early twenties, I was afraid to try new things. I didn’t want to leave my comfort zone or put myself out in any way. I missed out on a lot and created a cocoon around myself. I had all these dreams and opportunities, and I just sat with them. I was afraid of anything that was going to challenge me in any way. I was safe in my cocoon and didn’t let anything penetrate it.

But it did me more harm than good. I missed out on so much. I passed on opportunities that would’ve been amazing, I missed out on friendships, and I denied myself growth. I stayed stagnant for so many years, but kept wishing that things would change. And naturally, they never did.

I allowed myself to sit alone and not grow with the world, and I’m still mad at myself. The feeling of wasted years is not a good one, and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. It really hurts to think that when I reflect on that period in my life, I won’t have anything to account for. No fun memories, no achievements, no heartbreaks or first loves. Just the memory of me in my bedroom, wrapped in silk and brooding at the world.

I had tried everything to try and pull myself out of whatever daze I was in. I would organise ways for me to change, but then pull out at the last second. And I think the craziest thing about all of this is that it only took one single TikTok comment to fundamentally change my thinking.

Something shifted in me when I read that silly little TikTok comment about how ‘the time will pass anyways’. It made me realise that no matter what I think, feel, or do, time will always pass us by. And we can spend it afraid and self-conscious, or we can take charge and live our lives the way WE want to live them.

I wanted to start enjoying things and going out into the world, and that comment made me realise that no matter if I sat in my room or if I went out and did something new, the time was always going to pass.

The time will pass anyways.

It felt like something had hot-wired my brain and pushed down on the accelerator.

I suddenly had this insatiable appetite, and it’s been with me ever since. I want to try every single thing that comes my way. I’ve been putting myself out there more; I’ve taken on opportunities that have landed me amazing experiences and allowed me to grow, and I finally feel a little more at peace with the direction my life flows in.

Am I being greedy? Absolutely. But you have to be. If we only get one chance to do it all, then why not do it all? Why not indulge ourselves in the fruits of life?

If I could give advice to my younger self, or to anyone reading this, it would be to take everything that comes your way! You will not get what you want out of life from the safety of your zone. Please reach out and take a bite out of every single thing this life can offer you. Yes, you might make mistakes or bite off more than you can chew, but that is the beauty of the human experience. You live and you learn. You quite literally only live once, and I promise you mistakes are easier to navigate than regrets.

Now go devour something.

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Nothing prepares you for just how tiring it is trying to fit in. You’re in a constant state of comparison. Always calculating ways to find acceptance. Finding ways to feel seen. You follow trends, alter your appearance, and attempt to rewire your very existence. But it never works, does it? It all cycles back, and we try again. When do we finally stop?

I’ve been fighting myself for the last decade, trying so desperately to fit in with the crowds that didn’t even know I existed. I’ve tried almost every trend, fad, challenge, and more, just trying to find acceptance amongst my peers. I have wanted so desperately to be acknowledged. Fourteen-year-old me would probably break down if she knew that over ten years later, she’s still in the same position.

I still find myself searching for that societal acceptance, and I think I lose a little bit of my soul every time I put myself out there and am met with silence. That raw feeling of human connection is something I’ve been chasing, and sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get it. There has to be some profound effect on your brain when you spend your entire teens and early 20s just trying to find a connection with someone who will accept you.

How many more identities do I have to take on for someone to see me? Which version do I need to create? Yet I am losing myself in the process. Sometimes I wonder how much of me is me. How much of myself have I curated from other people? Do I even exist outside of being perceived?

I fear I’ve lost so much of myself that I’m not entirely sure of who I am anymore. I am a fragment of everything I’ve been told I should be. How can you unlearn that? Over the past year, I have pulled myself apart over and over again, trying to find that version of fourteen-year-old me. I fear she was as real as I’ve ever been. I wish I had loved myself enough to know that I was enough.

We lose so much of ourselves when we chase the idea of what we ‘should’ be. Over time, we forget ourselves, and we lose our sense of self. I’ve been so obsessed with the idea of people accepting me that I don’t even know what part of me wants acceptance. I am a circus animal accepting the crumbs of acknowledgement thrown through the bars of my cage.

It breaks my heart when I look back at photos of my teen self, and I don’t even recognise her. I tried everything I could to fit in, and it never worked. And I never understood why. I think that’s what really destroys your soul. When you’re so desperate for answers, but there just aren’t any. You get so caught up in your own head and forget that in the long run, none of it really matters. At some point, we move on and stop caring what people think. I just wish I could’ve figured it out at fourteen.

Over the past few months, I’ve really been trying to dedicate myself to understanding who I am and what I want. I’ve been dissecting myself and pulling out the pieces that I believe are truly me. I want to be authentically me. Free from conformity and comparison. To be able to know what I want and really know that it’s what I want. Not what someone else wants of me.

We only get one chance at this life, and I don’t want to waste any more of it trying to change. I have a lot to unlearn from the past decade, but we must forgive ourselves in order to find our way back to ourselves. And I suppose this piece is my way of saying it’s ok. I can forgive myself now.

In my personal life, my talent in visual arts doesn’t impact my career or income stream, so why am I so afraid of ‘getting it right’?

We’re all a little guilty about dropping something the minute we aren’t good at it. Recently, I bought myself a banjo, something I’ve been wanting for a long time, and when I couldn’t learn a song within the first thirty minutes, I got angry and packed it under my bed. How ridiculous of me. But that’s just how it goes, isn’t it? We pack it in the minute we aren’t good at something.

So, I ask why. Why are we so quick to leave something we aren’t necessarily good at? Especially if it brings us joy.

Hobbies can be so beneficial to us. Studies1 show that they provide enjoyment, can help reduce stress, and offer us opportunities for personal growth. So why do we hold them to such a high standard? Why are we afraid of not being good at them? And why are we afraid of starting new ones?

I’m currently going through a stagnant period in my life, which has left me with the privilege of having more free time. And I have tried hobby after hobby after hobby. I keep seeing hobby ideas on my social media, and it’s been a cycle of going out to get the materials, playing around with them for a week or two, and then storing them away somewhere. Not only is this wasting my money, but it’s also contributing to over-consumption¹, and it’s burning me out.

I’m going to give a quick run-down of a few of the hobbies I’ve tried pursuing over the past few months to give you an honest insight into how deep down the hobby hole I’ve fallen:

o Photography

o Painting

o Drawing

o Writing

o Pottery

o Zine making

o Embroidery

o Puzzles

o Playing banjo

o Crochet

o Journaling

o Embroidery

The crazy thing about that list is that they all gave me some form of joy, yet I only still indulge in four of them (which I’ve highlighted), and I believe I can attribute this purely to the fact that I had deemed them not performative. Therefore, I didn’t care whether I was ‘good’ at them. I was quick to quit the others because I wasn’t up to the standard that I had set for myself.

I am robbing myself of my joy because I keep valuing perfectionism over pleasure.

With social media being so prevalent in our lives, it’s hard not to put perfectionism over pleasure. Our socials are specifically curated to show the best of us. Especially if you’re an artist who posts your work. I know for me, I only try and post pieces of my work that I think are ‘up to standard.’ My drafts, messy journal entries, and the random bits of prose hidden on my computer are always disregarded when it comes to putting something out into the world. And that’s because, unfortunately for me, I’m stuck in my head about how my hobbies are being perceived. Can you relate?

Perfectionism is killing our joy.

When I began writing, it was supposed to be an outlet for me. Something I could pour all my thoughts and feelings into. A fun hobby. However, I noticed that as I started putting my work out there, I began to care more about how perfect my work was. It started becoming more of an image than a reflection. I was favouring perfectionism over pleasure. This fun little hobby quickly turned into something I just had to be good at.

This realisation made me question, at what point is it no longer a hobby if we’re valuing the result over the practice? Perhaps that’s a discussion for another time. I guess all I know now is that hobbies are not meant to be perfected. They are an outlet, a leisure activity, and a tool in self-preservation. Hobbies are not meant to be perfected. Everyone should have a hobby for the sake of themselves. We don’t need to perfect them or criticise what comes from them. We need them simply because we’re human.

One last thing I want to address is the role social media has played in my performative perfectionism. And perhaps this may be something you can relate to.

I’m sure at some point in your time on social media, you’ve come across hobby accounts or watched videos of people practicing their hobbies. So maybe just for a minute, we should take a step back and think about how this content is being presented to us. For all we know, that scrapbooker has repositioned the paper on the page thirty times before finally recording something they’re happy with.

We tend to take the things we see on social media at face value. And this, in turn, is detrimental to how we think and approach things. Say, for example, you watch a video of someone painting something, and throughout the video, they’re saying how easy and beginner-friendly it is. Now, combine this with every paint stroke being perfectly executed. Are you not going to be a little disappointed when your attempt at realism looks a little more abstract?

A lot of hobby content creators often leave out the ‘messy’ aspects of their creations. Guilty as charged. Social media is notorious for only displaying the very best of people, and we know this. And I cannot tell you how many times I’ve wanted to start a hobby purely because I saw it on TikTok. I’ve probably muttered the sentence “I could do that” to myself over a hundred times. So naturally, when I began a new hobby and wasn’t as good as the video, I was disappointed and gave up. That sneaky feeling of perfectionism stays lurking in my mind.

So, with all this in mind, what do we do? What can we do?

We must become mindful of our hobbies. They are for our pleasure, not anyone else’s. To be able to indulge in something purely because it brings you joy is the best feeling. Who cares if you suck at it? We need to learn to be ok with being bad. To be ok with not perfecting our crafts.

You don’t have to be good at your hobbies, so go be joyfully bad at something!

My fig tree is in blossom, and I am watching it rot.

The branches of my fig hang heavy with so many options, yet I cannot bring myself to pick one. So, I stay seated in the fork of my tree and watch as they slowly rot and fall to the ground. But why? What is stopping me, or any of us? In an age of new technology, why are we so terrified of picking our fruits?

The paradox of choice is a psychological phenomenon that suggests that having too many choices often limits our freedom and can be detrimental to our emotional well-being. When given too many options, we often end up less satisfied with the choice we made, and this then often leads us to feelings of regret and self-blame over our decision.

We experience this paradox in things like our jobs, education, and especially social media. When we’re consuming endless content about other people’s lives, it’s hard not to get lost in it all and start comparing ourselves. Pairing choice and comparison can lead to a harsher self-image and can leave us feeling like we’re falling behind. So, when you’re presented with all these choices, how do you know you’re going to pick the right one?

You won’t know. Perhaps you won’t ever know. But that’s the beauty of it.

By having a tree in blossom, you are being given so many options that could greatly influence or change your life. Or maybe you’ll pick a rotten fig, and nothing will come of it. Don’t worry though. There is always another fig waiting.

With that in mind, now would be a good time to address my hypocrisy. I’ve been sitting in my fig tree for a long time, and I’ve found myself letting my figs rot. I struggle to reach out and pick one because I am afraid of picking the wrong thing. I’m also afraid of letting go of the branch. I want so much out of life, yet I am so scared. I want to devour every fig on my tree until there is nothing left, and I am old and wrinkled and satisfied.

Bearing all this in mind, how do we finally manage to reach out and pick a fig? And quite simply, I don’t have an answer. We can dream about it, read prose about it, or even practice taking our hands off the branches. But at the end of the day, it is your tree. You must be the one to take your hands off the branch and reach for your fig.

No one will pick it for you.

So, in the spirit of publishing this, I am reaching out and finally picking a fig.

I intend to indulge quite willingly in it, and hope someday you will join me too.